There is not much rage that can compare to what I feel inside when I’m running late, driving to work, and am stuck at an intersection longer than necessary.  I’m not talking about a stop-light that stays red for too long (though I’m not a fan of those, either).  I’m talking about stupid, illiterate people.  Well…..not even THEM….just stupid assholes.  Because, when I have to wait at a light, watch it turn green, not move even a teensy bit, and then watch it turn red…..AGAIN….because some jerk wants to turn left at the intersection WHERE IT IS ILLEGAL TO DO SO, my fury builds to such proportions that I hope bad things happen to that person.  No, not a wreck or anything completely malicious..but something such as a policeman pulling them over for being a DINGUS!! (<– This word is courtesy of @alanaaanoel……Girl, you know why! *wink*)

This is not me, typically.  I don’t just wish bad things upon people…

But that’s the thing about rage….it sneaks up on you and turns you into something else.

This is about how I felt when my day began:

As you can easily see, I had all the possible happy things happening in those moments.

This lasted most of the morning, but then I had a visitor at my desk.  It was our security guard from downstairs who decided to give me a head’s up about my car…..

First, let’s rewind a bit:

Awhile back, my car had been dented by someone else’s while parked in my work building’s garage.  Unfortunately, by the time I arrived to my car, not only had the damage been done, but the offender had left.  There was nothing I could do about it.

Eventually, someone mentioned to me that level 4 of the parking garage didn’t have many parkers.  Not only that, but almost everyone parked on the lines, allowing only enough room for two cars between each set of pillars (instead of three), which also allowed plenty of space between said cars so that gigantic dents in the sides of vehicles could be completely avoided.

I began parking on level 4.  At first, I stayed within the lines of the parking space, out of habit.  But then….after time….I realized that almost everyone else parked on the lines!  There was plenty of room!  IT WAS UTTER FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!  Suddenly…I could do…..

ANYTHING…

And so it was…that everything in the magic kingdom of Leah-Land was at peace and full of joy.

Then last week, as I mentioned, I had a visitor from our very kind-hearted security guard:

He had come to warn me of some evil forces that had come to take away my freedom!

A certain group of females from a different floor in the building had begun to complain about people not parking in the lines, because, so they say, they couldn’t find a place to park!

(This depiction is a complete guess, since I don’t know the witches’ names…)

I know what they were saying was bullshit, because I see places to park every day, even when I arrive late.  In fact, this is the EXACT view of the top floor of our parking garage:

That’s level 5, and it looks like that EVERY FUCKING DAY.

Not only were the hag-beasts complaining, but they managed to compile a list.  A LIST!!!!  In other words, they spent their time walking around the garage and writing down every license plate of vehicles that were parked ON the lines.  (This includes almost EVERY car or truck, on the 4th floor.)  I have to say that someone has too much time on their hands…

Luckily, the warning given to me by the Security Guard afforded me the ability to avoid being banned from the garage.

Unfortunately, the freedom I had was ripped away.

Maybe I’ll start parking on level 5…..ON THE LINES!!!!!!

Because then I win. *grin*

Imagine the softest, most lush grass you’ve ever seen. Think about how you just want to step onto it with bare feet and feel it cushion around your toes. Then realize that lush grass isn’t real, because it was just regular grass with a filter on it and posted onto social media–a dream, a thought, a wish…not real.

I realize that is an exaggerated example of how unreal social media can be, because I know that lush grass exists in places. But looking at a picture doesn’t get me any closer to it. If I were a cow, I’d be so damn pissed, because that grass LOOKED SO FREAKIN’ SOFT AND DELICIOUS!!!!

I understand the need for and use of devices such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. It’s to share! Share all the moments, the joys, the sadness, the thoughts, and the memories. But, I think that often times we forget just how unreal it all is. Anyone can convey any persona he or she wants on social media. People sometimes end up yearning to live in someone else’s life, because they see what is posted and fantasize what it must be like. Reality is harsher and not candy-coated, but at least it’s real.

Sometimes, those feelings of “wanting” creep up on us without the realization of it even dawning on us. “Look how happy they are! Why can’t I be that happy? Why can’t I eat THAT cheesecake? Why aren’t my eyes as blue as hers? Why can’t I make dinner look so fucking pretty!!??”

Reality check: You CAN be happy and do all those things. Find your happiness…your REAL contentment! That, in itself, is a joyful thought!

What I’m saying is nothing new. Many people have said it before, and others will repeat it after me, and yet, we still all have a hard time realizing that concept as truth.

As for me…honestly…..I enjoy social media. I’m not knocking it completely. I see the values and the good parts of it. I see how the idea of it is good. BUT, sometimes I realize it is a distraction. I find myself thinking, “Oh! I should take a photo of that to post!” or “That’s funny—I should post that onto my Twitter or onto my FB Status!” or even “This should be on my snapstory!!” and “Hello, Instagram…..I have more foods for you!!!!!!!” instead of just looking at a moment and enjoying it as it is, through my real eyes, keeping it in my real memory…..not through a filtered lens or in the memory of my phone.

After awhile, I have begun to RELY on the memory of that picture saved onto my phone. My brain decides there’s no need for me to remember these things on my own, because I have it documented online. (“OH HI! I’m Leah’s brain! I don’t have to remember anything, because internet remembers ALL THE THINGS!!! What did I do last week?? Hang on..let me ask internet….”) I wonder if that’s part of the reason my memories over the past several years have been more fuzzy than they were before the crutch of social media. Well that…plus alcohol, probably. Ha!

Aside from the sharing, I also see the value in social media in order to network. It is necessary to do this if you’re someone like me. I’m in a band, trying to get its name out there so that more people attend my shows. I write a blog, and try to put that out there so that my readers might increase. Then, there are so many others…photographers, musicians/various artists, salesmen/saleswomen…all of them use this outlet, because the whole “in order to sell your product/talent, you have to sell yourself” concept becomes easier with social networking. And, some may say that nowadays, it is a necessity; I cannot disagree with that.

Again, in writing this, I’m not anti-social media. I enjoy it (too much?)……The other day, I sat at home, thinking about how I wanted to learn a certain song on piano. Instead of going into the next room and sitting down at my keyboard to figure it out, I was distracted by Facebook…which led to time lost…and then led to “Ah well, it’s too late, so I’ll just watch TV”. The next day, I had this epiphany.

It dawned on me how many things I COULD have done, COULD have worked on, COULD have achieved…but didn’t….because time and time again, I let distractions of things that were, in hindsight not that important, get in the way. The biggest distraction—internet stuffs on my phone.

In fact, I would guess that most people who began reading this have probably not even gotten to this point in this post, because it’s a lengthy blog that does not offer laughter, as most of my writings usually do. I believe we are all more easily distracted now.

THIS HAS HAPPENED TO ME SO MANY TIMES!! And it is my own fault, really. I recognize that, too.

If you’ve made it all the way through this blog, my friend, I applaud you– You are not as easily distracted as me.

I’ll be deleting the social media app’s from my phone for awhile. “ Awhile” could be a couple days, a week, a couple months, or longer. I don’t know how long……..but Hey! I’ll still be blogging. *grin*

I decided to spend my lunch break away from my desk, and since the temperature outside is nice, I headed to my car.  I opened the windows and set the seat back to relax, breathe the fresh air, and play my recent, shameful addiction (Candy Crush….please, no comments.).

It didn’t take long for me to realize I wasn’t alone.  I caught movement out of the corner of my eye, and when I turned to see what caused the movement, I found him.

A small, fuzzy spider.  I grew up calling this type of spider a “jumping spider”, but I don’t know if that is accurate. Basically, if an ewok was a spider, it would be one of these.

He had crawled inside my car through the open window and was exploring the underside of my windshield.  At first, this was funny, because a small insect was on the OUTSIDE of my windshield within the spider’s view, and Mr. Fuzzy, the spider, was chasing it. AS IF he could bite through the glass to capture that bug! Ha! Silly Mr. Fuzzy…

After a few minutes, I realized that he was wondering around and didn’t know how to exit my car.

Damn! Now I had to sit there and hope he didn’t actually jump off the windshield and onto me!

I debated on what to do. I could squash him, and leave a mass of guts and glory on the glass!  What could I use? My shoe, perhaps…..as it is a traditional weapon against arachnids….. but before I decided to possibly do this, Mr. Fuzzy moved down and out of reach.

I began to panic. 

I threw water on him…..he didn’t budge.  

Then, I tried blowing really hard so he would think a storm was coming and need to escape this strange place.

This was still to no avail. Not to mention the fact that the woman who walked by me to enter her car probably wondered what the heck I was doing…

I kept careful watch as he moved around in that crevice of the windshield…and then… I SWEAR HE LOOKED AT ME!!!

I sat there, eye to eye with this ewok-spider, and I think he laughed!

Little bastard!

I couldn’t stay there any longer! I had to escape before he inevitably catapulted his fuzzy butt onto me and bit my face as revenge for my laughing at him earlier.

I rolled up the windows and escaped back into the building.

Of course, now that I am here, I dread returning to my car, because Mr. Fuzzy could be lurking ANYWHERE!

Shit. What have I done!??

Being in a band means I get to see a vast array of people.  Most of the time, they are normal folks, just out and about, having a good time!  And other times, I get little “gems”.

A few weeks ago, there was a woman who entered the bar, and for whatever reason, she thought that pantyhose could substitute for pants.  I’m not talking opaque tights here…I’m talking SHEER PANTYHOSE!  (Thank God she wore underwear underneath them….)

There are a few reasons I came up with that could possibly explain this.

One, she mistook the pantyhose for jeggings and literally thought it was okay to leave the house like that.  I find this one hard to believe, considering she was a much older gal.  (I’m talking gray-haired, typical grandma age…)

Two, she actually started the night with pants and/or a skirt, and somehow due to inebriation, she lost them along the way.

Or Three, she forgot her meds that day.

Then a couple weeks ago, we played at one of our regular places.  People must’ve been in a rowdy mood that night, because a total of three of them were thrown out of the bar, including a one armed man, who had decided he could hit on a taken woman.  A cowboy chased him out.

And finally, there was this past weekend. I sang at three different venues, and at the last one, there was a young man who I’d like to call the “Creepy Spaniard”.  Self explanatory.  Luckily, I had body guards.

The live music world….It’s forever interesting….

It looked innocent…but then again, most sinister things do.

The thing was merely a “shred box”. In other words, a medium sized box where I throw any excess papers away throughout the months. These papers/unneeded documents, etc build up until the box is full. At that time, I tote my box over to the shred bin, deposit all the papers, and return to my desk with a new, empty box, ready to be filled by future shred-ables.

I was halfway through the stacks of papers, grabbing them by the handful, and plunging them into the slot of the bin. I have so many papers, that this chore generally takes 5-7 minutes. As I lifted a stack of papers, movement caught my eye. It was the size of a pencil eraser…and it had LEGS!

“WHAT THE FUCK!!! A SPIDER!!!!??? ACK!!!”

Of course my automatic reaction was to smash it with my handheld papers, and then jump back about three feet! I probably appeared as though I was performing some sort of backwards hopscotch….in the middle of the office! I glanced around.

Luckily, no one had noticed my little dance.

That little fucker! Not only was it hiding in my box of papers, but IT WAS WHITE!! It had adapted to blend in and practically disappear amongst the papers!!! What kind of spider is that???? It can only be some sort of breed that lives in offices!!! AN OFFICE SPIDER!!

Immediate, I began to feel itchy all over. I proceeded with caution, because for all I know, I just killed a spider-mom, and its little office spider babies were poised, ready to exact their revenge!

I began lifting up smaller piles of paper to deposit into the bin, still paying close attention to any sort of strange movement. After 5-6 of these stacks were thrown into the bin, I began to relax.

I look to my right and see Greg walking past with a bag of Cheetos. He gave a smile that said, “Heh, don’t tell anyone I’m eating these.” I gave a nervous grin back that he probably thought meant, “Your secret is safe with me.” when it ACTUALLY was silently saying, “Stay back! I’ve opened an office portal to HELL.”

I began to lift another set of papers….

THAT’S WHEN THE SECOND WHITE OFFICE-SPIDER LEAPED OUT FROM UNDER A PIECE OF PAPER, LANDED ON THE SIDE OF THE BOX AND BEGAN TO RUN UP THE WALL OF THE IT! The Office-Hell-Spider was so quick, it made it up and over the edge!

I knew it was either HIM or ME, so I took the papers in my hand, rolled them up furiously and began beating the side of the box until I knew he was smashed into oblivion!

I glanced around again, with a crazed look in my eyes.  No one had seen my ridiculous display of utter bravery, though I’m sure someone had heard it.  They heard it….and they knew better than to come around. They KNEW…there was danger lurking…..

I peered into the box, rolled papers still in hand, and fervently searched for any more of the vengeful spawn of Satan, ready and willing to kill! My eyes shone with madness. It occurred to me that may need help, so I decided to recruit backup. I could ask Kyle!! He used to be a marine, after all! He’s better suited for this sort of shit! So, I quickly walked over to his desk…

“THERE ARE SPIDERS IN MY BOX!!!!”

He just chuckled at me, and that’s when I noticed he was on the phone.

I had no help. This was all on me. I had to finish this damn job of emptying the shred box, and should any more perils come my way, it would be up to ONLY ME to fight them off!!!!

Shuddering, I continued…this time, lifting single pieces of paper at a time. I held my breath the entire time, and jumped back a couple times, too, when shadows took the resemblance of white spiders!   But I forged ahead….and completed my task!

The evil army of office-spider-demons had retreated. Until next time…

A Few Rando’ Thoughts Throughout my Day:

1. After watching all three Jurassic Park movies this past weekend, the incessant noises from the construction equipment outside of my building sound like dinosaurs. I’m just waiting for a velociraptor to slam through one of these doors and chomp off one of my limbs.

2. Sometimes, sitting in a chair that CAN spin…makes one feel the NEED to spin. So one does…a few times around and around…and around…or at least until the company lawyer walks up during your rotational fun and gives you a strange look. Back to work!

3. I find it odd that “Fiend” and “Friend” are different by one, little letter. Was this on purpose?

4. I’ve begun to track my water each day. My goal is to drink 100-120 ounces per day. This equates to roughly 6.25-7.5 of those generic 16 oz bottles each day. I track them with a VERY fancy-schmancy method: the Post-It method. Basically, I put a tic mark down for each bottle of water I finish. Of course, I only have my Post-Its at work, so I try to consume my water through my work day, and anything after that, I figure is bonus water! There are two things I’d like to say in regards to this:

a. If, by 4:00, I have only consumed half my water, it becomes a race to the clock to chug those last few bottles, and this results in a killer need for a bathroom break that strikes PRECISELY when I’m in my car, stuck in traffic.

b. Bonus water should taste like magical, sugary snowcones.

5. I have a philosophical question: If I eat Pringles with my eyes shut, and no one else sees me do it, either, does it still count towards my daily caloric intake?

6. Some advice: Don’t eat food with your eyes closed while at work. You COULD end up with cheesy flavor dust down your front and a fellow coworker walking up while you do it, which may lead them to believe you’re having a love affair…..with chips…..that may or may not be true.

All I wanted to do was eat my apple in peace. I even remembered to grab a paper towel from the kitchen so that I wouldn’t end up with a sticky, juicy mess all over my desk and documents.

Is it too much to ask—to eat my apple with no mishaps?

Apparently, it is.

My first bite ended with a piece of apple-peel stuck between my teeth. This wouldn’t normally be a problem, since I keep those flosser tooth-picks at my desk.

But those were gone, used up, completely missing from my current desk life.
A few more bites, and surely that piece would work its way out, right?

Wrong…

Well fine…I can deal with that until my apple is gone…..but what is this?

My eye!

My contact has decided to do flip-flops and summersaults, INSIDE OF MY EYE!

In an attempt to control its hijinks, I reach up with a finger to gently touch it and push it back onto my eye, so that it can suction itself to its rightful spot.

Unfortunately for me, I didn’t realize that I had apple juice on that finger. I was so distracted by the apple peel wedged forever in my MOUTH, that it never even OCCURRED to me that the apple basically bled all over my hand.

IT’S NOT MY FAULT YOU’RE DYING, APPLE!!! I DIDN’T PICK YOU!! I merely adopted you…to eat you and your flesh!!

“Apple blood” inside an eyeball feels horrible, especially when the contact that remains in that eye is continuing to do somersaults.

It’s not even noon yet, and the fruit world has decided to wage war on me!

And believe me…those bastards fight dirty!