It was unavoidable.
And, all I really wanted was lunch.
If I had known what was waiting for me, I might’ve just delayed awhile before trekking across the street to my favorite food place.
My co-worker, Reagan, and I decided to go to Chipotle around 11:00 in an attempt to avoid the massive amounts of online orders that create their huge, slow-moving lines.
So far, this was a normal journey. A lovely journey, in fact!
It was a cloudy day and very light sprinkles were falling. With the hot weather lately, it felt great! All was right with the world, and I had no major concerns! Plus, it was Friday!!
Things were too perfect.
I should have taken that as a warning…
**Wanted to drool and devour food right then and there, but decided to walk it back across the street to work and consume at my desk.**
Let me give you an idea of what this walk looks like, after exiting the restaurant. There is an intersection where construction is currently happening. An entire corner is destroyed, and walking across the street in that part of the intersection is impossible. I have to cross two streets in order to return to my work building, and at this point in time, there is only ONE path available. (I walk south to cross the first street, then turn west to cross the second street.)
As Reagan and I began to stroll across, she points out the people directly in front of us across the first street, who I had not even noticed, because my mind was on the three soft tacos full of double chicken and deliciousness.
Right before my eyes, on the corner of the street, was a gigantic van, a man with a massive video camera, and a woman with a microphone.
Shit. The guy was recording the street. I just hoped and prayed to myself at that moment that I WASN’T in the shot. The last thing anyone needed to see was a video of me waddling across the street towards them.
Reagan spoke under her breath, “We should try to avoid them.”
(Wise words, Reagan…wise words…)
I nodded in agreement, just as some guy in an SUV drove by them (and us) yelling, “Take 2! Take 2!” I had to laugh as I heard the cameraman say “Everyone’s a critic.” I’m pretty sure he meant to say “comedian”, but that’s beside the point.
At that moment, avoiding the news-people had become unavoidable. The light wasn’t yet green in the direction we needed to walk. THERE WAS NOWHERE TO GO! We were stuck on the corner, uncomfortably waiting. That is when the reporter woman sauntered right up to us and asked us if we knew that this particular intersection was going to become a four way stop-light. I told her I had no idea, and she immediately asked to interview me.
What was I supposed to say???
Well…THIS……*Sigh*…..THIS……. is what I said:
“Uh…sure…okay…um….oh GAWD….” (I gave a wide-eyed expression at the camera.)
I hoped the camcorder wasn’t recording at that moment. She reassured me, saying it was just a few easy questions.
(This is the part where Reagan is just standing behind the news-people, cleverly staying out of the camera’s shot….because she’s definitely smarter than me!!)
The first question was just asking me my name. I HAD TO THINK ABOUT IT!!!!! (In my defense, my last name DID just change back to “Wood”, due to my recent finalization of my divorce, but STILL….I HAD TO THINK ABOUT IT!) AND she told me to spell it…and I almost spelled it like “Would”! Derp derp derp!
I immediately regretted my decision to do this. I was NOT prepared to stand and talk in front of a camera with a microphone in my face. PLUS, my tacos were getting cold.
The rest of the interview went a LITTLE something like this:
Reporter: Do you walk on these streets very often?
Me: *smiles* Um….oh…yeah…yes…I walk down here all the time, because Chipotle is right over there! (I pointed and smiled way too big.)
Reporter: So do you work around here?
Me: Yes, I work in that building right there. (More pointing, more goofy, huge smiling.)
Reporter: Do you ever ride a bicycle down here?
Me: Hahahaha! Oooh no! Nope!! (Shook my head a bit TOO vigorously at that point.) I just walk down here for lunch…at Chipotle…because…it’s…right…there….(more pointing).
Reporter: Do you feel like you’ll be safe crossing the street when the intersection is changed?
Me: Oh! I love the Pedestrian crossing signs!!
Reporter: Those will be taken out.
(I had the deer in the headlights look at this point.)
Me: Well! As long as those drivers watch where they’re goin’!! (I’m pretty sure I said this in a Southern accent, and I have no IDEA where that came from!)
I don’t remember what else she asked, You Guys. I kind of blanked it out. Something about 4-way stops and maybe other things…I DON’T KNOW! Panic was happening inside of me at that point, and my memory is gone!! Maybe they were aliens. I don’t fucking KNOW!!!!!
All I DO know is that I may or may not end up on KCTV5 tonight, talking a VERY little bit about the intersection, and a very LOT a bit about how, “OH yeah…I walk down here every day! I eat Chipotle EVERY Day!! GOTTA GET THAT HOT CHIPTOPIA STATUS!! FUCK YEAH CHIPOOOOOOOOTLEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!”
That’s not what I said…but it’s EXACTLY what my hungry eyes said. And since the camera adds ten pounds, know what people are going to see/hear if the news decides to use this footage??!!
“Leah and her chubby cheeks fucking adore Chipotle so much and who cares about a road and a four way stop, because all she wants to do is EAT ALL THIS CHIPOTLE and babble like an idiot in front of a camera!”
I’m just hoping when they re-watch this footage, they’ll decide to interview someone else, and they’ll be completely regretting the fact that they even considered talking to me, a chubby, Chipotle-loving whacko.