I am writing about cool, crisp H2O, and don’t like the first two sentences.  Immediately after writing them, and then holding down the backspace button, I find that I am SO THIRSTY for ice water. 

**Walks to kitchen for water**

**Attempts to pour water from Brita pitcher….lid falls off.**

**Cleans water off floor with paper towels, shoos away cat, slips on remaining water, lies there thinking about how thirst still clings to roof of mouth.**

(These things may or may not have occurred only in my imagination.)

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On a normal week-day at work, when sitting at my desk, I am a mere 20 steps or so away from the break room.  Within that room lies the source of happiness for my water bottle–the water cooler/dispenser.  Let’s call it Norma Jean.  A typical trip to the break-room for water goes as follows:

Stand up from chair in heels without falling.

Take two steps left, then two steps forward, then do the hokey poky….(Not really, but now I’m considering doing this tomorrow, just to see who will join me.)

Walk the aforementioned 20 or so steps to the break-room.

Turn myself around to walk back to desk and grab water bottle that was forgotten the first time. (a-HA! I KNEW the hokey poky was truly involved in this process somewhere!)

Walk the 20 or so steps to the break-room….again.

At this point, someone else has made their way to Norma Jean….with a mug that could probably hold your grandmother’s head in it(only if it was disconnected from the body…but that’s morbid…let’s say it’s just a giant boot capacity cup instead).

So someone is standing at the water-cooler with their giant head/boot-sized mug, and holding the button for the ice-cold water.  (Side note:  There IS a button for room temperature water, but who the hell actually WANTS to drink water that is room-temp??  Pretty sure I’ve NEVER heard someone say, “Oh MAN, I am SO parched!! I could TRULY go for a less-than-satisfying glass of tepidness!!”)  But I digress…

Stand there for at least 5 minutes.

Boot-mug is half full.

The person with the offending cup smiles sweetly at me and shrugs.

What can I do but shrug back and then stare at Norma Jean….WILLING IT TO MOVE THE WATER FASTER OUT OF ITS STUPID, SNEERING SPOUT!!!?

At this point, patience wears thin, and I look at the beverage refrigerator, where there is offered a thirst-quenching alternative: bottled water.  A quick glance up to the gargantuan mug still sucking water into itself confirms that I WILL be standing there awhile longer.

Take two steps to the left, open fridge, and peer at the contents…or lack thereof.  EVERY other day, there is bottled water in the refrigerator, but today, this is not the case.

As the door of the fridge swings slowly shut, the puzzled look on my face changes to a look of momentary glee when I see that the boot-mug is gone!!  My heart leaps for joy…but Is quickly thrown back down past my throat and into my gut as someone from the other entrance of the break-room, the doorway closer to the water dispenser, has entered and taken their place in front of it.

Discouraged, down-trodden, and above all, thirsty, I meander back to my desk. 

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This week, something happened to the dispenser.  It’s lines perhaps were re-routed…or maybe just the amount of water pressure was increased.  But NOW, when filling something with water, IT STREAMS OUT LIKE A ROCKET!!!!!  It takes everything in mE not to jump up and down with laughter while filling my water bottle IN FIVE SECONDS FLAT!

I’m pretty sure that EVERYONE else in the office also does this happy jig in their heads now when pressing down that cold-water button.