You probably know Heather as my only guest blogger on here thus far. She and I, as I’ve mentioned, have very similar thinking patterns. So, a typical conversation for us goes a little like what you will read below, which was an actual convo we had today. It’s mostly quoted, though a few parts are slightly paraphrased.
Also, Heather, I love you…thank you for allowing me to share our craziness on the internets…where EVERYONE can see it. (Regretful yet? Too bad! *grin*)
Heather: I’m back down to ***lbs, and that’s after repeatedly eating candy for dinner! Universe is throwing me SERIOUS BONES this week.
Me: SO I SHOULD JUST EAT CANDY FOR DINNER!!????? I think the Universe took your extra lbs and stuck them on me instead.
Heather: YES, THAT’S THE SECRET….eat candy…and hoard things. The weight will MELT OFF!! LIKE THE CHOCOLATE ALL OVER YOUR FACE AND HANDS!!
Me: Baaaahaha!! I love that visual.
Heather: Me too. Partially because eating that much chocolate would make meh pret-tay happeh.
Me: You’re talking to a girl who’s eaten three of those mini Snickers bars today….and who is now eyeing the candy dish……..AGAIN. (Yes, I ate two or three more candy bars after this….because I need to ‘lose weight’. *wink*)
Heather: I’ve been soothing my soul with whoppers (at home) and Jolly Ranchers (here).
(Let me clarify that Heather is NOT talking about giant hamburgers, but rather, the small malt ball candies….just in case you were confused. If it were me, I probably WOULD be talking about the burgers…because malt balls are gross, awful creations.)
Me: And I’ve been satisfying mine with Snickers (here) and Doritos (at home)…….
………..(pause for reluctant confession)…….
………And Twix. (here and home)
Also, I found that carrots are bearable again…….IF YOU CHASE THEM WITH A SNICKERS!!!!!! EVERYWHERE.
(Something was said about having hummus for carrots and forgetting hummus exists and yadda yadda…)
Heather: This basil and chive hummus (pretty unique) tastes like sunshine and rainbows!
Me: I’ve always wondered what those taste like!! Please tell me they also taste as if they’re laced with glitter!!!
Heather: They taste like filthy leprechauns.
Me: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for that…thank you for my SPITTING WATER ONTO MY KEYBOARD out of laughter!! That f*cker needed a cleaning anyways….it was full of Snickers crumbs, I’m pretty sure…
Heather: Ha! I turned my keyboard upside down a couple weeks ago and used the canned air……gross. I could’ve made a second meal out of what came out. (Was that too gross of a visual? Probably.)
Me: At least it would have likely been a high-protein, high-fiber meal….complete with a topping of skin flakes…or SCURF, so I’m told! Did you ever hear that term?? I bet you have. Beth shared it with me. She HATES the word. I should Instant message it to her now. I think I will……
(I most assuredly did……..she said it was a “low, low blow”. Hee hee…)
Have a Happy Tuesday, Ya’ll!!