I Will Personify ANYTHING.

When I was 7 or 8 years old, I misunderstood what that button on the hairdryer plug was for.  I knew that it had something to do with the outlet and electricity, so automatically assumed that it was a dangerous button to push.  Even though I know better now, I still have my reservations when pushing it these days.

This morning, my hairdryer wouldn’t turn on.  I unplugged, re-plugged, pressed that little button with hesitancy…nothing.  I unplugged it, re-plugged it into a different socket, pressed that creepy button again…..AGAIN–nothing. 

I was left standing undressed, hair sopping wet, and no hair dryer….and I had to leave in 5 minutes for an appointment.

“CRAP!”

I threw the failure of a dryer back into its holding spot (aka the towel rack, because we have hardly any counter space in the bathroom) and called it names! 

“You’re a dirty dryer, and you FAIL AT LIFE!!!  Why can’t you just DRY, stupid dryer!!!”

(I also made some sort of nonsensical angry noises, in case the dryer doesn’t speak English.)

I’m pretty sure it smirked back and stuck its tongue out at me.  Obviously, my habits have rubbed off onto it.

Sighing at my bad example being picked up by lifeless objects, I had an epiphany!

There was salvation in my gym bag in the form of a teeny-tiny hairdryer, one that was originally made/sold for traveling purposes.  (Or, maybe it was made for small rodents after a rainy day….)

THIS THING SUCKS AT DRYING ANYTHING! 

But, it was all I had.

I cursed my other drying device, and went about the task of styling my hair with a brush and the squirrel-sized bathroom appliance.  I wondered if any of my backyard squirrels would like to borrow it sometime…it would be perfect for their TAILS.  Then again, they don’t have electricity in trees.  This thing is practically worthless.

About a hundred years later, my hair was dry, I was dressed and walked out the door to my car.

I turned the key.

Guess what else didn’t want to start this morning!!!  THE HAIR DRYER AND MY CAR WERE IN CAHOOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There was NO OTHER possible explanation!!!

I felt frustrated; I also felt that someone should install one of those hairdryer buttons on cars, because generally they work.  (Just not today.)  I may be afraid to push it, anyways….

Luckily, the second try at turning the ignition key convinced my car that the hairdryer is actually a crazy bitch, one that no one should be in cahoots with, and it started right up.

“Take that, you stupid hairdryer!!!!!!  You just lost your PARTNER IN CRIME!!!!”

 

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