This morning, I awoke ready for more sleep (typical). I had to muster all my strength just to drag myself out of bed and into the shower.  I had just finished shaving one of my legs when something abruptly startled me.  An alarm started loudly to go off!  Sounding repeatedly, it was an ear-piercing, dreadful beeping that nearly made me fall to the ground in surprise.  I immediately turned off the water in the shower and grabbed a towel (Fuck it—I’ll just leave this soap all over myself!), all while the huge beep resounded in the house.  At this point, I wasn’t sure if I was hearing the blasting of a smoke alarm or the carbon monoxide detector, and started to wonder if I was going to keel over dead right there on the spot!

The cats were freaking out. They both darted around like little bolts of black and white fur lighting.  It was a further challenge for me not to trip on the little punks.

I bolted to the origin of the sound, dripping a trail of water as I moved along, and HOPING my feet wouldn’t slip out from under me! I found where the noise was originating and was slightly relieved to realize it was indeed the smoke alarm, and not some “hidden odorless killer gas alarm”.  I snatched the it from the wall, and pressed the button.  No change!!  Still an enormous BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!

“What, what whaaaat??? Why doesn’t the reset button work??  Is there invisible smoke here?? Is this thing haunted??  AM I ABOUT TO DIE????”

There was no other choice… I had to disassembling the thing. I couldn’t pull it apart at first, and my ears thought they were dying from the loud noise reverberating through the house!  I momentarily debated on throwing it against the ground as hard as I could to try to break it open, while at the same time vaguely wondering if blood was dripping out of my ear canals, because the sound felt THAT painful!  After some seconds of fumbling, I was finally able to remove the battery, and that made the insanity-invoking bleeps stop!

In short, this was me this morning:

Naked, dripping soapy water all over the floor, battling a smoke alarm, hoping not to die with only one shaved leg.

Happy Monday, Ya’ll!