A conversation I had today with myself inside my head:

There’s ice cream in the fridge.

No…No you DON’T want it. You just ate Funyons!!

There may be mint chip in there. It would freshen my Funyon breath. I have no more gum. I should eat the ice cream to spare others in the office from smelling my mouth.

No one is going to smell your mouth. You’re sitting in front of the computer all day. Besides…you have a toothbrush and toothpaste in your overhead bin.

Oh yah….I forgot about that…but I don’t like that toothpaste.

I bet it smells better than Funyon Breath.

So does mint chip ice cream.

You just got an email. You should probably just check into that and forget about what’s in the freezer.

That’s impossible.

It’s NOT impossible! Go…do…things! Do important things and FORGET THE ICE CREAM!

I wonder if there is still chocolate syrup and toppings in the fridge. There used to be heath topping.

That would taste awful on mint chip ice cream.

How do YOU know!!?

I just KNOW….and so do you.

There’s cake batter flavor ice cream, too. I bet it would taste good on that.

It wouldn’t freshen your Funyon breath.

That’s why I need a scoop of cake batter ice cream AND a scoop of mint chip. Don’t worry! I’d eat the cake batter first and finish with the minty freshness!

STOP talking about ice cream!! You don’t want any! You only have 500 calories allocated for the REST of your day because YOU decided to eat Funyons! PLUS, you had no-bake cookies for breakfast!

Hey!!! That was oatmeal!!…….mostly……!!

Just because you logged it as oatmeal doesn’t mean it actually IS! You’ve met your sugar quota for the day. NO ICE CREAM.

But, I want it.

I don’t care.

Want…….you know, I might die without it.

WHAAAAT?!!

Yup….I really haven’t had much calcium today….and do you know what ice cream is JAM PACKED with…??

Oh, Brother….

Yup! Calcium! My bones feel weak….as in…they may crumble!! I think it has begun!!

Well, if your bones are crumbling from calcium deficiency, then there’s no way you’ll be able to walk to the kitchen for ice cream, much less scoop out the “frozen as hard as a rock” dessert.

I must act fast!!! Stop trying to stop me!!!!

YOU DON’T NEED ICE CREAM!

Yes, I DO!!!!!

DON’T!!

DO!!!!!!!!!

DON’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fine….WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….Someone took the ice cream.