I intended to wear my new heels today. It’s not like they were anything special, just a regular pair of black heels, but I needed to start breaking them in. My morning began a little later than I anticipated, so needless to say, I was in a bit of a rush. One of the final tasks in my mornings is to put on my shoes before I dash out the door. I place the first of my new shoes on my foot and am pleased at how well it fits. Then I pick up a second shoe, intent on putting it on, when I realize it was not the match. It’s similar, hence the reason it was sitting next to this one, but it was NOT my new shoe’s mate!!

I began frantically searching, and to my dismay, I could NOT find the second heel!! I panicked. I looked under the bed, under the clothes I had strewn onto the floor, and then I began to throw other shoes across the room, continuing my hunt. I was already late! After a full minute of panic-mode, I found the shoe’s mate buried under several other heels, and throw it on my foot.

And thus began my new shoes’ revenge….

After strolling into work an hour late, due to the unforeseen misplacement of my car’s key-fob (That’s another story.), I take a seat at my desk.

All is well with my feet for most of the day, but then, the tell-tale signs of “new heels” began to show on the sides of my feet. The skin was being rubbed raw in the same places where it often rubs while wearing new shoes. I assumed I could make it through one day without this happening, but I really should know better than to assume shit at this point.

It was no matter! I had band-aids in my overhead compartment at my desk. The somewhat fun (yet in this case, unfortunate) fact about my band-aids here is that they have pictures of giant mustaches on them. So it was then that my feet each had their own mustaches.

What I discovered, when I arose to walk to the break room, however, was that the rubbing of the shoe onto the glossy finish of the band-aid created an extremely loud creaking noise. EVERY STEP, my feet were declaring,

“Creak..creak…creak…squeak…I’m fuckin loud…everyone watch me walk…Yes, I almost fell…fuck you, too…squeak…creak…creak….creak….quit looking at me…yes I hear the noise….pretend you don’t hear it…quit being rude!! ….creak….creak…”

I should have known from the start that these shoes did not WANT to be worn today.