This morning, I did THE ULTIMATE impression of a lizard, in the beginnings of its shedding cycle. 

That’s the thing about new bath towels–even if you wash them beforehand, the first few times you use them to dry off after a shower, you WILL be covered in tiny, lint balls.  If the towel is white, then those lint balls look like bits of dried up skin.  Hence, the “Shedding Lizard Effect”.  I had forgotten this tidbit of information just a little too late this morning…..

Have you ever tried rubbing lotion on your skin when it’s covered in lint?  It makes the little fluff balls stick to your skin.  I wouldn’t recommend it, because then you turn from lizard-like into a wet sheep, and you have to spend ten to fifteen minutes using a hairdryer over your entire body to blow-dry all the lint away.  AND THEN you have to sweep the lint up off the floor (or leave it there for later)…

Of course, if you DO leave it there for later, you’ll probably just see the pile of white fluff, say “Fuck Lint!”, and have a beer instead.

Then you might tell a friend your lint story the next day, and if anyone religious overhears your exclamation, they’ll take it out of context and think you’re just some heathen who doesn’t respect their religious choices.  They might call you out on it, and then you’ll start blurting out nonsensical phrases like, “No! It’s the towel-lizard-skin affect!!  I only washed it once! Wait! Don’t walk away angry, you just don’t under-….awww….dang it.”

Just, don’t tell your lint story in public.  Or, don’t buy new towels.