Typical Morning…

3:00am

“No…..that clock has to be wrong. I think I’ve only been asleep an hour, and it’s still dark outside. It’s not 7:00am”

**Checks phone. Realizes cat has changed time on clock. Fixes time.**

3:30am

“Neko…no…you already have food. You don’t NEED water from the faucet. You have fucking ice water in your bowl. NO, CAT!”

3:45am

“Cat…stop walking on the alarm clock and forcing it to make sounds.  Stop it. FINE…more foods for you…now go away….”

**Drags ass out of bed to give cat more food. Fetches self glass of ice water, and is forced to share it with mewing cats.**

5:30am

“Why are alarms so loud?”

**Presses Snooze.**

6:00am

“But I’m having a dream!!”

**Presses snooze again.**

6:30am

“Damn it, I want to finish this dream!”

**Presses snooze for third time.**

7:00am

**Dreams of getting up and readying self for work.**

**Assumes sitting position to turn off alarm, which has been blaring for 10 minutes straight.**

“Shit! Why aren’t I dressed?? That dream wasn’t real?! I’m going to be late!”

**Darts out of bed, brushes teeth, jumps into shower.**

7:05am

**Debates on shaving while in shower—decides NO time.**

7:20am

**Awakes after falling asleep while standing in shower—exits shower.**

7:25am

**Dries hair halfway, throws on clothes, runs out door.**

7:30am

**Runs back into house for car-keys…and back out again.**

7:32am

**Runs back to house to lock the door, and back to car again.**

7:35am

**Cusses out every single driver in traffic while applying makeup using rear-view mirror.**

**Cusses out every red stoplight.**

8:10am

**Can’t get parking garage gate to open—reverses, drives, reverses, drives—until in EXACT SPOT for gate sensor to read sticker on car and OPEN.**

8:15am

**Curses slow elevator.**

8:18am

**Arrives at desk late…drinks all the coffee.**