Tag Archives: Alarm Clock

Lil Alarm

The beeping began at 5:30am, and my hand went flying towards the nightstand.  This is a natural reaction, since I am a habitual snoozer.  (I hit the snooze button at least five times before taking any alarm seriously.)

BUT…..

The sound….wouldn’t…stop.

Likely looking Like a drunken chimpanzee, I began to frantically hit all the buttons on top of the clock, and still, the annoying racket continued! 

I decided to open my eyes a little wider, and pick up the noise-making jerk-face to find the button marked, “snooze”. 

IT WASN’T THERE!!! 

How can an alarm clock exist that doesn’t have a snooze button!??  I see one that says “On/Off”, and press it, with my hopes high.

Nothing happened. 

I press it again, harder, and STILL no response!! 

At this point, I’m becoming annoyed, and I snatch the clock from the nightstand AGAIN to take a closer look.  Unfortunately, my klutz factor is multiplied by 100 when I first awake in the morning.  This resulted in my dropping the clock onto the HARD and Non-carpeted floor!

SLAM!

For a split second, I grinned, thinking that I probably just killed it, so then I COULD snooze!!

“See!?? Take that, Motherfucker!  You’ve been SILENCED!!!”

But as soon as that thought passed through my mind, the radio on the clock turned on instead.  So, my beeping was then replaced by a loud, fuzzy, distorted sound.  A bunch of loud, white noise!

AAAAHHH!!!  That’s even WORSE!!!!!

“How is this thing still ALIVE!??”

Since I was obviously not going to make it turn off right away, I reached for the tuning knob so I could at LEAST have some music going while I figured out how to remedy my snooze situation. 

(Side note: HAD I actually been awake and functioning, then simply unplugging the clock from the wall would have occurred to me.  Hindsight, People……..)

When I attempted to find my favorite station, 96.5 The Buzz (<–Shameless name-drop!), the clock radio started playing some other song…no…wait….could it be?  There was no EFFING way…….but yes….

  Next thing I know, I’m hearing Lil Jon yell at me…

“TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!!!??????” 

That’s IT!!! My alarm clock was officially channeling through the radio and attempting to communicate with me. 

And what was it saying to me?  

“Fuck you, I’m making all the noise I want!!! Now get the Hell out of bed!”

—————————————————————————

If anyone is in need of an alarm clock, let me know.  I’m giving mine away.

It works great.

 

 

 

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A Morning Battle #leahwouldblog

This morning, the bed won.

Hands down.

I was unable to escape from it in time to begin my day as I would have liked; its weapons were stronger than mine.

I was prepared, too!  I had every intention of waking up at 5:00am, gathering everything for my day, showering, and then going to yoga by 6:30am. 

Last night, I set two alarms–my regular alarm clock and the one on my phone.

My first mistake:  I started a movie last night before bed, and even though I’ve seen it countless times, I still stayed up to finish it.  Because I’M AN ADULT!  I can stay up and watch movies if I WANT to!!!!!  (Ha!  I’m learning that this statement becomes less and less true, the further into adulthood I climb.) 

The first alarm rang this morning; “Shot at the Night” by the Killers, along with the buzz of the vibrating phone, began to echo through my room and into my dreams, but not enough to bring me out of REM sleep-land.  Instead, my hand took on a life of its own and swiftly pressed the “snooze” option on the screen. 

Five minutes later, the alarm clock begins to wail.  My hand, again, comes to life, and apparently was on the bed’s side in this battle, because it (LESS THAN SMOOTHLY) slapped the alarm clock, forcing a snooze.  (I imagine at that moment that it looked warily around with invisible, slanted eyes before settling back under the covers.)

This happened at least five more times before my trusty (or hungry) cat, Buddy Van Bizzle Dizzle, decided to attempt a “rescue”.  As my phone began singing and buzzing AGAIN, Buddy quickly jumped to the nightstand and proceeded to plop himself down on top of the phone.  Now, when my hand roamed around, searching for the snooze option, it could not be found.  The phone was invisible to the sightless hand.  There was only a vibrating/singing cat.  I can only imagine the cat’s smug look on his furry face as he watched my hand flail about, tapping every other inch of the nightstand except for where he sat.  This lasted merely a minute.

When the hand finally figured out what was going on, he pushed the cat over and off of the iPhone. 

**POKE** (Snooze option on screen)

NOW…cue the alarm CLOCK!!  This time, there were no problems in snoozing further.  Even a cat of Buddy’s monstrosity could not cover an entire clock in time. 

Mr. Bizzle Dizzle had not quite given up, though. 

After the button was hit on the clock yet another time, the cat decided to use desperate measures.  He reared back…set his sights high, then LUNGED!!

I was awoken suddenly with a giant ball of fur wrapped around my head, with back claws digging into my neck and teeth scratching my scalp!  This lasted a full 2 seconds before the cat jumped back down and started licking my hand.  Obviously, he was hungry, and this was his way of threatening to eat my head if I didn’t get up and feed him NOW.

I looked at the clock.

“FUCK!  I need to get up! I’m late!!  Wait…what’s going on?”

The sheets had wrapped around me like a giant cotton python!  Amidst all the snooze-hand-flailing, I had been turning in my sleep so that now I was trapped in a coccoon of linens!  I began thrashing around as soon as I knew I was in danger of being trapped further.  A sense of sclaustrophobia and panic began to grip me.

AT that moment, BOTH alarms  began chiming and singing at the same time. 

“UGH!!”

**WRITHE!**

“WHY!!??? ….Aaaaarrrrrggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!”

*SMACK*

*THWACK*

I escaped the bed, and the alarms had been silenced for good.  But I had already lost, for the bed kept me in its clutches long enough to make me late, for both yoga and work.

Until the next time, BED…..until next time….