This morning, the bed won.
I was unable to escape from it in time to begin my day as I would have liked; its weapons were stronger than mine.
I was prepared, too! I had every intention of waking up at 5:00am, gathering everything for my day, showering, and then going to yoga by 6:30am.
Last night, I set two alarms–my regular alarm clock and the one on my phone.
My first mistake: I started a movie last night before bed, and even though I’ve seen it countless times, I still stayed up to finish it. Because I’M AN ADULT! I can stay up and watch movies if I WANT to!!!!! (Ha! I’m learning that this statement becomes less and less true, the further into adulthood I climb.)
The first alarm rang this morning; “Shot at the Night” by the Killers, along with the buzz of the vibrating phone, began to echo through my room and into my dreams, but not enough to bring me out of REM sleep-land. Instead, my hand took on a life of its own and swiftly pressed the “snooze” option on the screen.
Five minutes later, the alarm clock begins to wail. My hand, again, comes to life, and apparently was on the bed’s side in this battle, because it (LESS THAN SMOOTHLY) slapped the alarm clock, forcing a snooze. (I imagine at that moment that it looked warily around with invisible, slanted eyes before settling back under the covers.)
This happened at least five more times before my trusty (or hungry) cat, Buddy Van Bizzle Dizzle, decided to attempt a “rescue”. As my phone began singing and buzzing AGAIN, Buddy quickly jumped to the nightstand and proceeded to plop himself down on top of the phone. Now, when my hand roamed around, searching for the snooze option, it could not be found. The phone was invisible to the sightless hand. There was only a vibrating/singing cat. I can only imagine the cat’s smug look on his furry face as he watched my hand flail about, tapping every other inch of the nightstand except for where he sat. This lasted merely a minute.
When the hand finally figured out what was going on, he pushed the cat over and off of the iPhone.
**POKE** (Snooze option on screen)
NOW…cue the alarm CLOCK!! This time, there were no problems in snoozing further. Even a cat of Buddy’s monstrosity could not cover an entire clock in time.
Mr. Bizzle Dizzle had not quite given up, though.
After the button was hit on the clock yet another time, the cat decided to use desperate measures. He reared back…set his sights high, then LUNGED!!
I was awoken suddenly with a giant ball of fur wrapped around my head, with back claws digging into my neck and teeth scratching my scalp! This lasted a full 2 seconds before the cat jumped back down and started licking my hand. Obviously, he was hungry, and this was his way of threatening to eat my head if I didn’t get up and feed him NOW.
I looked at the clock.
“FUCK! I need to get up! I’m late!! Wait…what’s going on?”
The sheets had wrapped around me like a giant cotton python! Amidst all the snooze-hand-flailing, I had been turning in my sleep so that now I was trapped in a coccoon of linens! I began thrashing around as soon as I knew I was in danger of being trapped further. A sense of sclaustrophobia and panic began to grip me.
AT that moment, BOTH alarms began chiming and singing at the same time.
I escaped the bed, and the alarms had been silenced for good. But I had already lost, for the bed kept me in its clutches long enough to make me late, for both yoga and work.
Until the next time, BED…..until next time….