Tag Archives: Buddy

Morning Gift

This morning, I awoke to find a little “present” from my cats. I imagine that when this happened, it went down something like this:

Neko (In Brooklyn accent): Yo…hey, Buddy….look! Look at her sleepin’! We didn’t even get any TREATS today. What’s you say we show her a thing or two about that, eh? She won’t wake up. Got any ideas?

Buddy (In Stoner Voice): Yah, Man….I ain’t had any catnip for like..uh…for like weeks, Man. We should do something to get her attention.

Neko: Yeah, Yeah….but what we gonna do. Knockin shit off her nightstand isn’t doing it. Chewing on her bedside lamp’s not doin’ it either. Today, you know what she did? She hid those jars of change in a drawer so I couldn’t knock it over…can you believe that?! I thought that shit was sitting there for MY playtime pleasure.

Buddy: Uh…yah…she won’t let me drink out of her glasses any more unless she’s watching me, Brah…no fun, Man….no fun. I do have an idea, Man.

Neko: Give it to me.

Buddy: When I get all like….angry or some shit at her, I like to barf on the floor, ya know?

Neko: Yah, I seen that…it’s kinda wrong….I don’t like the smell…but hey…whateva ya gotta do, right?

Buddy: Right..and uh…well she just started cleaning it up and getting used to it, so I stopped for awhile, cuz…ya know….it wasn’t doin’ anything for me but makin’ me feel bad….

Neko: Uh huh…?

Buddy: You know those shoes we like to chew on when she isn’t watchin’ us, Dude?

Neko: Yah…What about ‘em?

Buddy: Let’s go yack in ‘em, Man! When she finds those, she’ll KNOW we’re pissed off and be like, bound to do anything we command after that, right?

Neko: I can see your point….Go ahead. I’ll supervise.

And so, I didn’t get to wear today’s heels, as planned. Thanks, Guys……thanks.

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Cat Ass Trophy

My morning began with the rude awakening of gagging sounds.  To be more precise, what I heard was my cat, retching and ATTEMPTING to cough up a hairball…..

ON……………………MY…………………….HEAD! 

Even in my fuzzy state of sleepiness, I realized what was about to happen.  My eyes bolted open wide as I swooped my arm around LIKE A SAMURAI wielding a sword, and flung the offensive animal to the floor.  I shot out of bed and followed him quickly, then snatched him up and ran him to the bathroom.  I opened the toilet and willed him to barf into it, but instead, he took the “stiff legged/claws out/kitty panic” approach. 

Apparently, scaring a cat by holding it over toilet water will momentarily CURE it of hairballs.

He was a NEW CAT….nothing bugged him whatsoever, and his throat was clear!! 

“What’s a hairball!?? MEOW!  Eff you.” (That is what I imagine he was saying to me.)

By the way, this lovely affair happened at 4am.

(Fast Forward to this evening.)

I arrived home, ready for a quick workout and to prepare my grocery list.  When I walked into the bedroom, however, I found that our sweet Buddy-cat had decided to FINISH WHAT HE STARTED! (Read this in a booming voice, with an echo.  It’s dramatic.)

  Not only was hairball vomit dried into the carpet next to the bed, but there was more on the comforter.  That cat must’ve KNOWN we had just washed the comforter two days ago.  HE MUST HAVE KNOWN!!!

A few ACTUAL phrases that were yelled to Buddy Van Bizzle Dizzle today:

“NO, Buddy!! Quit licking the soy sauce!!”

“Maple syrup isn’t for cats,either…and damn it, quick licking the soy sauce!!!”

“Leave the fish alone!! JUST LEAVE them alone!!”

“That is NOT your TV…No…No, it’s not!!  I said NO!!!”  (He was arguing by screaming mews on that one.)

“No biting, you little mew-mew!!”

“You can’t have the sink water…get down.  Buddy…get…down…..No!  Your bowl is full of fresh ice water! Get off the sink!”

“Leave the dog’s balls out of it…..Just do the karate roll down the stairs instead!  I said no ball! NO BALL BITES!!!”

Now, I have to go….before our cat manages to knock over the fish tank.