All I really wanted was some morning caffeine. Just a little bit of energy….Oh! Who am I kidding?? I wanted ALL THE ENERGIES coursing through my veins!!!! I wanted to be able to SLAM THROUGH WALLS, to TOPPLE DOWN THE ROOFTOPS, to……
Okay–Not really………I had no desire to smash walls or buildings or any other “Hulkish” activities.
My desire, TRULY, was to consume an energy drink…of ANY sort! Sure, typically I prefer to drink a Monster, but since I had no time today to run to the store to buy one, I mentally settled on purchasing whatever drink was available in the first floor’s vending machine. My mind was set…even though I didn’t want to be tempted by all the beautiful junk items downstairs, I had to take that risk….for me….for caffeine…..FOR MANKIND.
I forced Heather to join me in my trek…no one wants to endure a “walk of shame” alone.
The elevator ride down the eleven floors was electric with anticipation; I smiled at what I knew would be coming my way.
One minute later, Heather and I stood before the glorious, food/beverage-giving machines. I quickly skimmed the rows of drinks, and my hopes began to diminish….I couldn’t see anything but soda, juice, and water.
There it was. The row on the bottom left held the power. The drink stood proudly in a shiny, red can with the word, “VENOM” plastered across the front. The words continued around the can, and all I could see of them was “Death Adde…..”
This….was…THE ONE. It was death in a can, and I WANTED IT. I could almost feel the energy flowing through the vending machine glass….
A smile spread across my face as I read the price: $2.25; I had brought $8 with me. I was FULLY prepared.
I fed the appliance my three dollar bills and pressed the designated Letter/Number combination for the can of joyness.
The arm-like apparatus for retreiving beverages began moving up…..it passed the row with my drink….then it moved back down…passing it again….then it moved up and stopped, as if it was contemplating its life.
“Wait for it…..waaaaait for it……” I began to drool.
*kerplunk, kerchink, ding, ding, kerching….*
Those are the noises the machine made when it spit $3 of quarters back at me.
“WHAT THE—-?? NO!”
I couldn’t believe it…I WOULDN’T stand for this! I began to furiously insert the quarters into the machine…25 cents…50…75…1 dollar…1.25…1.50….I smiled as I force-fed the machine….but then….
Puzzled, I tried to insert a different quarter.
I then began rapidly thrusting quarter after quarter into the machine…It only needed three more quarters to reach the desired price….Just…three…more!!!!
**Ching, Ping, Plunk, Plink…**
“WHY WON’T YOU TAKE THE QUARTERS THAT YOU JUST GAVE ME????” I yelled at the machine.
Heather is sitting back in horror, and probably wondering why she agreed to travel downstairs with a crazy person.
I kept INSISTING on trying again and again!
“It’s jinxed! It HAS to be!! SOMEONE JINXED this fucking thing!!!”
I press the button for the machine to give my quarters back to me again….and attempt to bribe the thing once more….but TO NO AVAIL.
“It’s right THERE! It’s staring me in the face! MY SOURCE OF POWER IS TRAPPED IN A GLASS CAGE! Whyyyyyyyyyyy!!????????????”
I resist the urge to bang my head on the glass and then slump down into a pile of defeat.
Retrieving my handful of quarters from the spiteful vending jerk, I turned to leave, my face covered in mortified disappointment and anger.
I could feel the pity from Heather glancing at me, but it gave no consolation.
I DO want to smash something!