You know what the first thing a person generally needs to do is when he or she awakes after a full night’s sleep? Take a piss. At least, I think that would be the general consensus.

Saturday was no different in this regard. I had slept in until almost noon, when my cats would no longer leave me alone, because they expect food ALL DAY and FOREVER. So I fed them and then meandered to the bathroom to take care of that previously mentioned necessity.

For some reason, the toilet appeared as though it hadn’t been flushed the night before.

I found this odd, but didn’t give it too much thought. I pushed down on the handle…

The water didn’t go down.

No…instead….it began to rise!

“Wait….what…is…happening….? How…does…this….huh??”

I didn’t immediately panic, because I couldn’t quite register what was occurring. Just a few seconds later, however, I noticed that the rising did not cease.

“Shit!! I don’t have a plunger!! WHY DID I NEVER BUY A PLUNGER!???”

This is where my panic set in……AND…

…the overflow began.

“Aaahhh!!! Crap!!! Piss!! F***!!!”

Trying to at least avoid wet carpet, I grabbed the rug from the floor and flung it into the next room, while shooing the cats away, because of COURSE they want to come try to walk through the pee-water!

(Oh HI! I’m a happy, little cat!! Watch me prance in the water!! SEE ME FUCKIN’ PRANCING, MOM!??)

“Get back, A-Hole!!!! You’re cute, but NO ONE IS CUTE WITH PEE ON THEIR PAWS!”

I leaped across the puddle to the linen closet (simultaneously pushing the cats away), grabbed a roll of paper towels and began to unroll it.

ALL OF IT…I UNRAVELED EVERY LITTLE BIT…right onto the offending water!
NOT EVEN AN ENTIRE ROLL OF PAPER TOWEL WAS ENOUGH TO SOAK UP MY SHAME!!!!!

The toilet stopped running, but it was still full to the brim with water, and of course I was left with a dirty pond in my bathroom.

The worst part of it was I still had to pee—badly!! And this little situation didn’t help in that department whatsoever. I mean…running water??!! Come on!!!!

So there it was:

My bathroom–a massive lake of pee-water topped with a zillion paper towels, two cats dancing through it in glee, and me…forced to use the bathtub to take a piss, shaking my head at the fact that I had pee on my feet…just like the cats.

Oh yah…Two hours later, I bought a plunger.