Three words: “Pumpkin Pecan Waffle”

These words may have saved my life as I know it.

I truly wish I could tell you that this was the heavenly breakfast I made on today’s crisp, fall morning.  I am fairly certain I COULD make it if I wanted to.  (And, I suppose after my husband reads this, he will suggest I prove that statement!)

But, NO.  This is the scent of the candle burning in our kitchen.  When I first spied the label to this olfactorious delight, I KNEW it would smell amazing.  (P.S. Olfactorious should be in the dictionary as, “a mix of the word ‘olfactory’ and ‘glorious’; also meaning to smell so fucking good that real words CANNOT express the magnificence.)

I found this candle when I was in the search for some lotion.  Not just any lotion, but one that smells the same as my Pumpkin Cupcake hand-soap, that was given to me by my Lovely, Angela, for my birthday.  Every time I wash my hands, I WANT TO EAT THEM!  So maybe the soap is turning me into a zombie.  Perhaps that’s really how “zombies” come about in the future!!  Everyone starts wearing lotion that smells and tastes like cupcakes, and PEOPLE’S SENSES OVERRIDE EVERYTHING.  All they want to do is eat cupcake-flavored humans!

Before I thought about the possibility of being eatin’ by “Cupcake Zombies”, I wanted the delicious-smelling lotion. 

ALAS!  They DO NOT MAKE LOTION in that scent!!!

“WHA__?!!!!!” **Mouth agape**

(I think Bath and Body Works secretly knows about the possibility of Cupcake Zombies.)

When the sales lady told me that what I was seeking did not exist, I…………….. maintained my composure.

Sure, in my head……

I began grabbing pumpkin cupcake hand soap dispensers and blasting them all over the shelves of lotion.

“You don’t make this scent in lotion!??? I’ll show you how to make the lotion SMELL LIKE FUCKING CUPCAKES!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

**Pumps/shoots soap onto every lotion shelf AND employee at lightning speed!**

 

 

(Pause…for effect.)

 

 

 

 

But really, outside my head….

I saw the candles, and before my inner self could take over, I grabbed one that had a pumpkin on it.

I read the label.

As I mentioned earlier, it was “Pumpkin Pecan Waffle”.

Slowly, I lifted the lid, and I brought my dose down to the wax.

The raging 2013 Pumpkin Soap Massacre of Bath and Body Works was successfully averted.

The world can now sleep soundly………until the cupcake zombies arrive, that is.