Tag Archives: coffee

Gurgling Is A Language

When it happens, it gives a disheartening feeling……one that almost destroys my morning…almost.

Meandering over to Susie’s desk, where my African Cinnamon flavored brew was waiting, I awaited the happy feelings that come along with consuming the wonderful drink.

I pressed the top button of the coffee carafe, and after my mug was merely a third full, I was met with the burble and spitting sounds of an empty pot. I’m going to go ahead and say I’m fluent in the language of “gurgling”, because I CLEARLY heard the words “Fuck you! Ha ha ha!” come out of that carafe!

I WAS APALLED! To CUSS at me in a place of business—it’s downright rude and ridiculous!  SHAME ON YOU, GIANT COFFEE DISPENSER!  Shame…on…you!  (Never mind the fact that I had intended on consuming your insides and turning them into coffee-scented pee…..you’re the one with the shame, Carafe….YOU.)

After being thoroughly disappointed at the audacity of that hot beverage distributor, I stomped to the kitchen.

I was still fuming, offended, disappointed, and above all, IN NEED OF CAFFEINE.

I planned on topping off my cup of cinnamon-Joe with the regular stuff…and so I pressed on yet another carafe.

“Gurgle, spit, fuuuuhhhck yoooooou, haaa haaa haa…gurgle”


**Shocked face, mouth agape, moment of defeat**


Me, now: Back at my desk…drinking what coffee I happened to obtain…and plotting revenge.


A couple random things..


I have this BAD habit of leaving a mug half full of coffee on my desk, undrank….unused…sad…and forgotten.

Not today. Today, I am chugging it so that I won’t have a caked-on-goopy mess in my mug, come Monday! 

Besides, I smile every time I pick up my mug, because it rests on a coaster that holds the face of Ron Burgundy, and when I see it, I then quote “Anchorman” in my head while drinking my bev.  Good times….Stay classy, San Diego.


Sometimes, I get the urge to walk around with something on my face, just to see if anyone will notice or point it out to me….

Then, the urge passes….

And I remove the fake mustache.



Tuesday Museday



A paraphrased conversation with a fellow employee this morning:

Susie:  I brought in more flavors of coffee today, so we aren’t stuck drinking the cat-piss kind.

Me: Oh yay!! What kinds?

Susie:  I got Toasted Pecan and Hazelnut; I bought the big bags, so you all can choose whatever flavor you want today.

Me: Oooh yum!!  What kind do you want?

Susie: Oh it doesn’t matter to me.

Me: Well, I vote for the nut one!

Susie:……………………they’re both nuts.

Me: Oh yah. (In my mind, I clearly meant “pecan”, but obviously, my logic is often nonsensical…especially when I lack coffee.)

This conversation gives proof to my “ditzy blonde” tendencies, from which I fear I will never escape! :)



Today is Heather’s birthday.  I decided I wanted to make it extra special, so I sent her a gift.  It should arrive in an envelope at some point later this morning.  Just a simple token of my affection:  A ziploc bag with pecans in it, labeled with a post it that reads, “Deez Nuts”.

Is there any other better gift during office hours for one’s birthday?  I doubt it.  Fuck flowers…this means SO much more!

(Okay, I know I’m full of it right now, but I am just super excited for her to receive them, and I hope she laughs her butt off!)

(10:30am—She sent me a text–pretty sure my mission was accomplished. *grin*)



Today, I received a “Merry Christmas” from one of my contacts at another business.  I thought that was sweet, so I had to send a Christmas Cat-Meme back.  ‘Tis the season for laughter!  (She loved it, btw.)




The Christmas luncheon is over.  I am completely stuffed.  And upon someone opening up a gift that included almond coffee, Susie decided to call out to me, “Leah! There’s another nut for ya!!”  

Pretty sure everyone was confused and perhaps amused. 

Apparently, the theme of today is nuts.


Nuts nuts NUTS…..and more nuts…………The End.

This Kinda Sucks

I had to clean my beautiful, glittery cup today.  It had been sitting all night, half-full of water, and who knows what germs were teeming by this morning?!  SO….I poured soapy water inside the cup…hot, sudsy water of CLEANNESS!  As I scrubbed, I realized that I should also clean the straw.  The best way to get liquid into the straw is to suck it up into it, right?  My plan was to suck the hot, soapy water just far enough to fill most of the straw, then let it fall back into the cup; then, I could finish scrubbing/rinsing. 

I had PLENTY of practice doing this is a kid with soda-pop.  It was like a fun little game!  “How far up could you make the liquid go without it actually reaching your mouth?” is what the game was called.  Well something like that…perhaps that title is too long, but you get the point.

The result of this non-caffeinated, fuzzy logic ended the only way it could have.

Yes, I accidentally drank hot, dish-soap water this morning.

It was then time to kill it with coffee:  Hazelnut coffee…with hazelnut creamer….HAZEL-ON-HAZEL ACTION to cleanse the mouth of soap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (Thank you, Tina and Susie, for all the flavored coffee/creamer…otherwise, I may taste nothing but liquid-orange dish soap for the rest of my day.)

Homicidal Coffee #leahwouldramble

Some may say that life is a balancing act.  This is true, but not just in the metaphorical sense.  I have several circus-like moments throughout my normal workday.  Take my morning coffee mug, for example.  I like to fill it almost all the way to the top with my liquid addiction, plus creamer.  The GREAT part about this is I get to suck down more coffee, once I begin drinking.  The BAD part….walking back to my desk with my coffee-filled mug in hand.  If I make ONE slightly uneven step, the coffee tries to crawl up the side of my mug and jump off the edge of it onto the carpet. 

“No!! Don’t do it, coffee!!!  BACK AWAY FROM THE MUG-LEDGE!!!” 

So, then I have to stop, in the middle of the walkway, to let my suicidal coffee calm its nerves. 

And the trek begins again, slowly and carefully– a tightrope act with no rope, but a mere carpeted floor.  With each step, I pick up speed, hoping that my balance is enough to keep the coffee’s nerves calm enough to stay in the safety of its cup.  Of course, the entire time, I am HOPING that no one is watching this horrible circus routine, because it would surely deserve rotten fruit and peanuts being thrown at it. 

Alas!  The brown liquid tries to slosh again, and before I can stop it this second time, a splash if it has landed on my hand.  How the hell am I supposed to remain balanced and steady handed when scalding coffee BITES MY HAND!!  It was never suicidal after all…it wants to kill me.  Homicidal Coffee made  its first strike, inevitably, because it knows I plan on drinking it, a.k.a. ending its unbalanced, dark, caffeinated life!

 I arrive at my desk, finally, with a wet, burning hand, and a now messy-drips-down-the-side mug, and take my first gulp.  The battle isn’t over, as I so wrongly assumed.  It is now burning my tongue in a last-ditch effort of survival.  **Chugs coffee out of spite.**