Tag Archives: leahwould blog random ramblings

Last night, I had a really strange, very real feeling dream. There were a bunch of parts to it, like I was watching a movie, but the last bit felt like the longest storyline.

I had moved to a small town—it reminded me of Weston, MO—charming, full of history, haunting, lovely…but it wasn’t Weston. I think it was actually someplace in Alaska, perhaps. Maybe even Longyearbyen on Svalbard. (I watch too many of Sejsejlija’s videos on TikTok about that place!) It was the type of small town where everyone was familiar with all who lived there—their residences, frequent hangout spots, etc.

Moving on, though…I was at the small grocery store, waiting in line to check out with a few items, when I heard a man speaking English with some sort of accent (Russian?). He was beginning to raise his voice at an employee, because he was upset they were out of stock of eggplants. I believe I briefly met this man earlier in my dream, and he had come across as a tough guy who was generally unhappy.

I left the line and walked towards the small commotion, because it occurred to me that I had had an eggplant in my cart earlier, then had set it somewhere it didn’t belong, when I had decided I didn’t want the vegetable.

On the way over to the man and employee, I grabbed the misplaced eggplant. When I arrived to the growing argument, I interrupted and explained how there was indeed still an eggplant in stock, and that I was very sorry I had misplaced it earlier.

That is when I handed it to the man. He seemed more relieved than anything, and proceeded to tell me that he had recently lost his grandmother and wanted to cook the eggplant how she used to, in homage of her.

Then, in a strange turn, as dreams like to do, he asked if I would help him out and cook it for him, as he was not adept in the kitchen.

To sort of make up for the havoc my earlier actions inevitably contributed to, I agreed to cook the eggplant. We exchanged numbers, so he could take his other groceries home, and I could also head to my home to prepare his Grandmother’s recipe.

Next thing I know, I’m in my kitchen, talking to this man on the phone, following cooking instructions his grandmother had left him. The eggplant definitely did NOT cook like a real eggplant! When I was done, it looked more like fried “chicken of the woods” (a mushroom, Laetiporus sulphureus—-yes, I had to Google that mushroom’s name)

As it was finishing, the man walks through my front door without even knocking! I made a mental note to start keeping that door locked. He had known where I lived, because earlier in the dream, my odd residence was a huge discussion. And as I mentioned, this was the type of town where everyone knew who lived where.

I divvied up the cooked eggplant between us, and we had dinner while standing in my living room, discussing memories of the departed and other topics I can’t quite recall.

This is where the dream became really odd…

While eating, an ex boyfriend of mine (who I haven’t seen since I was 19) walked through the door and asked to join us. We finished eating, and then the man (no, I never remembered his name) left and the ex and I discussed all the repairs my apartment needed.

An aside—from what I can gather, I lived in a very small, partly renovated loft atop an old building on the Main Street. The main, HUGE window had some stretchy canvas instead of glass, and the floor wasn’t finished, so I could only walk on certain spots in my living room/bedroom—sort of like an unfinished attic.

That’s pretty much it—that’s my dream. My cat woke me, so she could be fed breakfast, before the dream’s plot could go any further.

Hot As Ice #leahwouldramble

All I needed were two ice cube trays; they were the final component in my ingredients for “Sunday Food Prep”, five days ago.   

 Dead set on my quest to have freezer smoothies as part of my food prep, I added the trays to last week’s Thursday grocery list.  There were three possible areas I knew of in the grocery store where I thought I could find ice cube trays.  To my dismay, not one area held the required item.  After double-checking with a Price Chopper associate, my fears were confirmed.  At this point, it was no matter, because I still had two days until Sunday to find them….somewhere.

Last Sunday arrived, and I knew where I could go.  “Big Lots—they MUST have them!” I thought.  The Hubbs and I searched a few aisles before approaching someone about them.  They directed us to the other end of the store, where our labors continued to provide no fruit!  Another employee then pointed us in another direction, and like little, lost puppies, we followed.  Again, no ice cube trays.  It had seemed all was lost, and we had spent 25 minutes wandering around in vain. 

Then FINALLY, in our last moments, when we’d almost given up, we spotted them.  3 trays in a pack, and one of those packages were ALL OURS!  With giddiness and a sense of accomplishment, we bought the ugly ice cube trays.  It had only taken a total of about 60 minutes within three days to find them! (An hour of life wasted on the search for ice cube trays.)

Fast-forward to last night.  It’s grocery night again, and I’ve returned to Price Chopper.  Unfortunately, my mood at this point in time can be described as “stabby”, since I all really wanted to do was kick things over and make a mess of anything in my path!!  After making it through the produce section successfully (meaning, I didn’t throw fruit at anyone or squeeze any bananas into oblivion), I meander past the “seasonal aisle”. 

BEHOLD!!!!!  ICE CUBE TRAYS!!!!  And NOT ONLY are they in the spot I’d looked for them just a week prior, but they are cheaper than the ones we bought, and they are BEAUTIFULLY COLORED!…

While screaming at the top of my lungs, I plucked each of the green trays from their hanging spot, and chucked it as hard as I could towards the produce section.  “You’re GREEN!! GO LIVE WITH YOUR GREEN RELATIVES!”  Then the orange ones, I threw across the ENTIRE STORE in a perfect spiral just like a football!  I then dropkicked all the blue ones towards the meat counter. “You want ICE?? I’ll give you ICE!!” All the rest of the rainbow colors, I slammed to the ground and then began jumping up and down on them, smashing them into tiny little pieces, so the ground looked as if it was covered in sharp, plastic confetti! 

“Where were you last week when I was looking for you??  What kind of cruel joke IS THIS???  NOW, YOU’RE PAYING FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!  BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

(zoom out)

I snap back to reality, escaping my PMS-induced imaginary rampage!

Took a deep breath…and continued shopping….

Homicidal Coffee #leahwouldramble

Some may say that life is a balancing act.  This is true, but not just in the metaphorical sense.  I have several circus-like moments throughout my normal workday.  Take my morning coffee mug, for example.  I like to fill it almost all the way to the top with my liquid addiction, plus creamer.  The GREAT part about this is I get to suck down more coffee, once I begin drinking.  The BAD part….walking back to my desk with my coffee-filled mug in hand.  If I make ONE slightly uneven step, the coffee tries to crawl up the side of my mug and jump off the edge of it onto the carpet. 

“No!! Don’t do it, coffee!!!  BACK AWAY FROM THE MUG-LEDGE!!!” 

So, then I have to stop, in the middle of the walkway, to let my suicidal coffee calm its nerves. 

And the trek begins again, slowly and carefully– a tightrope act with no rope, but a mere carpeted floor.  With each step, I pick up speed, hoping that my balance is enough to keep the coffee’s nerves calm enough to stay in the safety of its cup.  Of course, the entire time, I am HOPING that no one is watching this horrible circus routine, because it would surely deserve rotten fruit and peanuts being thrown at it. 

Alas!  The brown liquid tries to slosh again, and before I can stop it this second time, a splash if it has landed on my hand.  How the hell am I supposed to remain balanced and steady handed when scalding coffee BITES MY HAND!!  It was never suicidal after all…it wants to kill me.  Homicidal Coffee made  its first strike, inevitably, because it knows I plan on drinking it, a.k.a. ending its unbalanced, dark, caffeinated life!

 I arrive at my desk, finally, with a wet, burning hand, and a now messy-drips-down-the-side mug, and take my first gulp.  The battle isn’t over, as I so wrongly assumed.  It is now burning my tongue in a last-ditch effort of survival.  **Chugs coffee out of spite.**

Fat Random Ramble

Sometimes, I forget to eat.  And by “sometimes”, I mean “once every few months”!  I adore food WAY too much.  I suppose you could say that I’m actually a fat girl trapped inside a mediocre-sized girl’s body.  Here are a few ways I know this is true:

–Today, I walk by my boss’s desk, and he is eating a variation of potato chip.  My immediate urge was to walk over, scoop them all into my hand, and then stuff them into my mouth. 

–Sometimes, I black out while eating cake, and completely forgot that I ate it, so that I can justify eating Casey’s pizza a mere two hours later.

–I can’t bring ranch in my lunchbox for veggie dipping.  Doing so would ensure my drinking the dressing directly from the container and forgetting the vegetables’ existence.

–When my sister in law asks me, “Leah, can you help me decorate for your nephew’s 2 year b-day party on Saturday?”, I hear, “Leah, there will be cake and chips on Saturday that you need to help me eat, or I’ll die.”

–I am eating THREE pieces of dark chocolate right NOW after debating for the entire past 5 hours if I should eat ONE.

–If someone asked me if I would join a cheese-eating contest, I would join instantaneously, without question, and offer to take any leftover cheese home with me when it was over.  (It would not make it home with me, because I would finish it off in the car before arriving there.)

–Gravy: I love it.

The list goes on…


Who came up with the phrase “Slept like a baby.”?  And WHY is this phrase referring to someone who slept WELL?  I’m sure I’m not the first person to ask this, and I could probably Google the answer…but I’d rather just complain about it!  Sleeping like a BABY is not necessarily sleeping well at all!  Those slobbery, poopy things wake up all night long, don’t they??  I would NOT consider that a good night’s rest.  It DOES, however, remind me of my UCM Stagecraft teacher.  Apparently, through college, due to all the classes and work schedule, he trained himself to sleep for 2 hours, go work, sleep for 2 hours, go work/do class, sleep 2 hours….for the entire day!!  Pretty sure I couldn’t rewire myself to do that shit! He definitely “slept like a baby”! :)

Side note: “Slept like a log” is equally ridiculous.


Speaking of sleeping, anyone who knows me knows that I often have dreams, and they’re crazy and vivid and almost as nonsensical as this blog.

Last night, I dreamt that I received a message on an answering machine (that doesn’t actually exist in my house) from my friend Rebekah, saying that she has finalized the plans for our cruise.  Then, on the same day, I receive an email from Taylor Swift (who I do not know, nor am I a major fan of) saying the SAME THING.  The bad part is, I don’t remember telling either one of them that I’d be able to go on a cruise.  I decided to just act as if I never received Taylor’s email, and I call Rebekah to let her know  am excited for our cruise, completely faking that I knew about it all along!  A week goes by, and I’ve somehow managed to forget to tell anyone that I’m leaving for a cruise!  My mother shows up for lunch with Shannon and me on that sunny Saturday, and at the same time, Taylor Swift arrives.  AWKWARD!!  She’s ready to leave, and has our plane tickets ready to go.  I immediately feel really bad and am stammering with an explanation when Rebekah pulls into the driveway.  At this point, I have to explain to my husband that I’m leaving on a cruise…that same day!  He’s annoyed.  Of course so are the girls, who are both waiting to see who I will go with.  Finally, my frustration boils over, and I begin yelling that I can’t go on a cruise with either one of them, because truth be told, I can’t afford to go anywhere!  So they look at each other, and decide to go together.  They begin chattering excitedly about it while walking off to the car.  What….just….happened???

I have no idea where this dream came from, but I’m pretty sure that I AM IN NEED of a vacation………………. or a beach.

Tiny Rambles

Lately, I have been so lackadaisical (Don’t you just LOVE that word??) on tracking my calories and water.  It is time to get back into it.  I will apologize to those on Twitter right now, because my water posts are going to start clogging up your timeline…again! #sorrynotsorry 


Crystal Light Energy is delicious, but it is SO SWEET that it is difficult to chug.  Either that, or I am simply really crappy at chugging.  Or both.  It could be both.


 Is it time for tacos yet?  I want tacos.



I have this fear that I will fall to the ground here.  I’ll trip over my own feet at work, and kersplat onto my face!  And, there will definitely be plenty around me to see it happen.  This is extremely possible, because I have such klutzy tendencies.  I already tripped once last week, but at least it was outside, and only in front of one person….and I wasn’t in a skirt.  I wonder if there’s a name for this fear…


Okay; nothing came up right away, so I’ll assume there is no name for this fear.  I shall name it… Fearoffallaphobia!!!!!!

Say that ten times fast! Hee hee… (that that that that that that that that that that)

Random Ramblings May Day!

These are our lives…there’s no point in spending them miserable!  So put on a grin, People…no matter what!  If it’s momentarily difficult, things will surely improve!  If it’s already great, then enjoy the ride! 

There…now you have an inspirational spurt from my brain. Yay! Time to get back to the randomness…


If I were rich yesterday, I would have gone on a hot air balloon ride through the sunny, blue sky!  I would have taken several pictures to treasure, but also would have brought along a book, because surely after awhile, it would become boring….unless the hot air balloon went to Oz. 


Angela and I discussed the fact that Oceans of Fun will be opening soon!  We basically have three weeks to finish up getting in shape #becausebikini!!!!!  Holy Crap!!  I’m STOKED that summertime is close, but YIKES, the time to don a swimsuit still sort of sneaked up on me!  In my head, I still had at least a couple months before I had to squeeze my tush into one of those suckers!  Guess I’d better keep on runnin’!  So glad to have so many people to help me stay motivated!!!  **Bans the Bon Bons**



Random Ramblings 4-29

When I look at regular original flavored creamer versus French vanilla flavored coffee creamer, I don’t assume there is much difference.  I drink my first cup of coffee with French vanilla.  I drink my second with Original creamer flavor.  I discover there is a WORLD of difference.  That fact aside, I want to know if there exists a caffeinated creamer; I wouldn’t care what flavor that shit is…Pour it in!

Also, caffeinated cheese should be a thing.


I have a wildlife calendar hanging on the wall of my cubicle at work.  I’m not looking forward to flipping it to “May”, because the picture for that month is an American Bison.  Nothing against you, Mr. Bison, but I enjoy looking at a colorful Macaw more than your big, furry butt!  Here…have a carrot…don’t charge me.

Random Ramblings

You know those cheap, microwave bean burritos that you can buy in a package of 10 at the grocery store?  I adore those.  EVEN THOUGH they’ve scalded my mouth on several occasions (and yet then soothed the burnt flesh with their still-icy center..hot then cold…like Katy Perry…or Sour Patch Kids), I can’t get enough of those things!  I have stopped buying them altogether, because anytime they are in our house, it is required for me to eat two or three in one sitting…as a snack.  And I can’t just eat them alone, Oh no!  They’ve also got to be covered in gooey, melty cheddar and taco sauce (Spanish Gardens, preferably).  They are the vortex in my freezer, calling my name and drawing me in…and at the grocery store, I have to rush past them before their calls make it through the freezer doors!  “Eat us, Leah….EAT US ALL!!!!!!!!”