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Just a Tidbit about TM #LeahWouldBlog

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Quite a few months ago, Heather emailed and asked me a “hypothetical” question.

“Do you think you would ever consider doing the Tough Mudder?”

Since I had no clue what she was talking about, I turned to Google for answers.  As I discovered what this obstacle-course was all about, my mind began to read only CHOICE words, such as “11-12 miles” and “Fire” and “You might fucking die!”.  (Okay, so that last one wasn’t actually written anywhere, but I SWEAR my brain read it at some point.)

At this point was when I replied to Heather with a tentative,

“Maybe.”

Of course, this “maybe” was actually leaning more towards a “No damn way, because I have a WILL TO LIVE!”

BUT THEN the “maybe” turned into a “Hey, we’re going to do the Tough Mudder because I’m giving it to you for your 30th birthday, Bitch!!”  Again, these words weren’t actually said, but they fit just as well.

I agreed to it.  What could 12 miles really hurt, right?  And the obstacles will just be like a miniature workout…right? Or, I could have had a period of time where I simply went insane.

The latter is likely true.

And so it was done–we were scheduled to run in the crazy non-race of obstacles with hundreds of other psychos on Saturday, September 21, 2013.

At that point, this date was still many months into the future, therefore, in my mind, it didn’t exist, because who knew!?  The world could end by then…we could have a zombie apocalypse upon us at that point!  Then, I wouldn’t have to crawl through mud, duck barbed wire, jump over fire, or into a pit of ice water.  Hmmmm….wait a second………..!!

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That Saturday finally came yesterday.  Obviously, there are hundreds of posts, blogs, videos, etc. talking about the course and all of its obstacles, so I feel to write about them all now would be redundant.  At this point, you’ve surely Googled the dang thing out of curiosity, just as I did.  So, you know about the climbing, dredging, swimming, running, sweating, falling, and camaraderie that goes along with the Tough Mudder.  It’s all true.  ALL OF IT!  (I’m just beyond thankful that my contacts survived it all!)

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Now, it’s Sunday.  My shoulders, neck, and back feel like the muscles are rubber bands that have been wound up tight beyond their capacity.  My feet feel like someone slammed them each with a sledgehammer.  Add on a bit of a sunburn and endless scrapes and cuts up and down my legs.

But, honestly, I’m not complaining.  I love it.  TOTALLY WORTH IT!  I would definitely do it again.

Happy day, Mister Sunday!!  You may be sore, but you’re sunny and smiling!!

Gift

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MY HUSBAND JUST GAVE ME A NEW LAPTOP FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!!

I’m writing this on it, and now you can expect your timelines to become inundated with my DAILY blog posts!!! 

(And by “daily”, I mean ALMOST daily…..)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!  (Scream of Joy)

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  (Woo of Joy)

Thank you, Shannon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Pure Joy)

Click Click Click #LeahWouldBlog

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Last night, I went out to dinner and drinks with Heather.  As usual, it was a fabulous time!  At some point in our random conversations, however, it came out that I have never seen the movie Predator.  Apparently this is considered tragic, and it was decided that I should watch it for our next “girls’ night”.  Something I did learn about the movie through our limited discussion of it was that the Predator makes some sort of clicky sound.  Heather ASSURED me that it was freaky, but to me, it just sounded funny.

“Clickly click click, look at me! I’m a mean, badass predator. Doopy doopy doooo. Ladeeedah!!!! Clicky clickly click!!!”  (This is the part where I imagine the Predator skipping through a field of daisies, singing to itself, and twirling around amongst the flowers.)

Then this morning, I come into work and begin my day as usual.  I am checking emails, when I see that Heather has sent me something.  The Subject says “Click click click”, and it being morning, it does not even DAWN on me what this is in regards to!  So, I open it.  And there it was!! A gigantic picture of the predator, and yes, it made me jump a little!!  Then laugh!  I still haven’t decided if that click will be freaky when I DO watch the movie, but the clicks did make me jump this morning. Ha ha!

Quandary of Fruit #leahwouldblog

Quandary of Fruit #leahwouldblog

Today, my morning snack seemed to be quite lackluster. It was a mere bowl of cottage cheese alongside a grapefruit. After an hour, though, I had not yet eaten the grapefruit. I had, however, prepared it for consumption. Unfortunately, my taste buds were not looking forward to the flavor, and so I didn’t mind “forgetting” to eat that portion. But…

Then I looked to my right, and I saw it—the face of desperation!

My grapefruit looked at me, longing to be eaten!

It appeared so forlorn that I decided to take a bite.
MISTAKE!??? SO SOUR…SO NASTY-TASTING!
It’s no wonder it wanted to be eaten! It was apparently PAST its prime and was merely begging me to put an end to its life. I’ve never even thought about the subject of Euthanasia of fruit, and so was at a loss! Do I continue to eat this bitter fruit, giving it at least some MEANING to its small life? Or do I throw the dastardly-tasting produce into the trash-can and forget it ever existed? The latter seemed TOO heartless.

“FOR THE GOOD OF FRUIT-KIND, I SHALL EAT THIS GRAPEFRUIT, AND GIVE SIGNIFICANCE TO ITS PITIFUL EXISTENCE!!!!!!!!!!”

That was the exact thought I shouted from the rooftops inside of my brain.

Then, I ate the fruit…and smiled.

Just Plain Weird #leahwouldramble

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Last night, I had the oddest dream.  I realize I probably say that about my dreams every time I write about them, but they do seem stranger with each one.   Now before you read this, keep in mind that it makes almost NO sense, and it’s pretty creepy.  Obviously, it seemed a lot scarier to me while having it, compared to after, and writing it down now will probably make it seem pretty disjointed. 

It begins with me taking a walk down a neighborhood road.   I was on my way to visit a friend at his house.  It was a friend from school (because, apparently I was in high school or something in this dream), and I have no idea who this person is in real life.  It’s not someone who exists that I know of, and I cannot even remember his name in the dream.  Everything seemed normal at this point.

 When I walk in to the small home, I notice that the place is a mess.  There is a baby in a high chair, eating something mushy that I can’t recognize, clothes all over the living room and kitchen, plus it’s extremely dark and dusty.  There is a woman sitting on the arm of the couch, in front of the baby, and she just looks at me, but says nothing.  I am assuming this was my “friend”’s mother.  Suddenly, HE is gone—the friend vanished while I wasn’t paying attention!  I am left with only this woman in front of the baby, and some other family members sitting on the couch amongst the garbage, staring straight ahead and not acknowledging me whatsoever.  I can already tell by her distant eyes that the mother was a TOTAL nut job, and I am talking PSYCHOTIC. 

I turn to leave, but the door won’t open.  Somehow, I have become locked in this house.  I glance around the small room, and that is when the real eeriness begins.  I begin to HEAR a crunching sound, when before everything had been COMPLETELY SILENT.  (I always find it odd that I can hear, smell, taste, and see colors in my dreams.  I’m not sure if that happens with everyone, but these are the dreams that feel so real!!)

I follow the sound, and it leads my eyes to the woman.  She is chewing on something hard, and it takes me a moment to realize that she has broken her own jaw with her bare hands, and is somehow chewing and eating it.  YES…eating herself—her own mouth!!!  I am FREAKED out now, and begin searching the house for a phone.  I have no cell phone!!  SOMEONE needs to call the police!  The rest of the house is small and just as dark and dirty as the living room I first walked into.  I find a phone, but it has no signal.  I feel an urgency to save the baby…it is the only part of the family that MIGHT be normal. 

When I sneak back through the living room timidly, even though I have been seemingly invisible this entire time, I see that the woman has a jaw intact again, BUT she has somehow stabbed her head with pencils, and isn’t even bleeding!!  She looks like “The Hellraiser”, but with No 2 pencils!!  (Now THIS visual, talking about it afterwards, could actually be deemed somewhat comical…but only AFTER the fact!  During dream mode, my heart was pounding.) 

 Scared senseless, I find my way out of the back door and onto the porch, where the neighborhood that USED to be there has transformed into a giant ravine with a bunch of bluffs.  There are no stairs off the porch, and the distance when I look straight down seems to be endless!  Not only THAT, but there’s a war raging…a battle that wasn’t happening when I walked into the house, but looked like it’d been going on for days!

 

Not just any battle…it was a fight between FOODS!  And these foods were not of normal size…they were as big as me!!  Giant potato peels were battling a bunch of almonds and soybeans!! They were shelling them, and coiling around them like snakes, dragging them off to who-knows-where!  Screams surrounded me, and I began to get dizzy….and then I FALL!!!!!!!

At that point, I awoke….and felt BEYOND confused.

I’m not crazy—I swear………..but my dreams ARE.

Gum, Candy, Repeat #leahwouldblog

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Sometimes, I will go to my old blog on Livejournal, and find something I had forgotten about.  It makes me smile, so I repost it here, in hopes to elicit more smiles from people who weren’t there to see it the first time.  Here is one of them…just some rambles:

I have become a gigantic waster of gum!  I, along with many I’m sure, do not like to ever have bad breath.  So, out of convenience, I chew gum after eating.  BUT, I don’t like chewing gum for a long time, so I literally spit it out after only chewing for about 5 min.  Here’s the thing, though…I eat 5-6 times a day….so that’s 5-6 pieces of gum throughout the day!  So for just 25-30 minutes of chewtime, I chew THAT MUCH gum!  Whoever thought up the “car cup” with a bajillion pieces of gum inside, I applaud you.
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Does anyone else remember Tongue Splashers gum?  I think that is what those were called.  They came in a small can, and the different colors would dye your whole mouth whatever color you wanted!  I can’t say I’d want to do this now, but it would be fun to find out if those things still exist.  Now, I finally understand the nostalgia my mom must feel when seeing Chic-O-Stix at the store.  How odd to think that the candy I grew up with may be considered Old Fashioned before too long!  And which candies will be classy enough to stick around forever?  So far, Tootsie Roll Pops and Blow Pops have done a pretty good job of it!  (Those are old, right?)
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A memory resurfaces:  In 5th grade, I had an argument with a boy named Jonathan Simcosky.  He tried to insist to me that chocolate was not technically candy!  Being my completely stubborn self, I disagreed with him ALL DAY LONG. We bickered all through lunch AND all through recess.  In fact, I don’t think our argument was ever resolved…it was an “agree to disagree” situation.  As an adult, I can’t say I consider chocolate to be candy…it is chocolate…it is its own entity.  I’m sorry, Jonathan, wherever you are…you were right.  I’m finally admitting it.

 

Ditzy ruins food. #leahwouldblog

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I think everyone is familiar with the moment he or she realizes that there is joy that springs within oneself when looking forward to  eating some sort of food item.  MOST of the time, I think these moments are associated with cravings for junk, BUT, I personally also have these moments when there’s something in my lunchbox that I know I will enjoy.  Whether or not it is a healthy morsel, if it is the BEST piece of food I have (in my tongue’s opinion) for that day, and I will salivate at the thought of it.

 I had TWO of those snacks on the menu today.  One of them, the first of the morning, was a magnificent mix of sausage and eggs with non-fat cheese!  I microwaved my breakfasty mix, and hurried it back to my desk! 

“YAY!!! GIVE ME ALL YOUR GREASY, SALTY GOODNESS!!!!!”, I was yelling in my head.

There was one thing I had forgotten, either due to my lack of coffee intake at this point in the morning, or perhaps due to the “blondeness gene” that is my scapegoat.  After microwaving sausage, it is as HOT AS A VOLCANO.  The inside of my mouth became one, giant, scorched piece of flesh with which I could no longer taste food for hours afterward!

My first delicious snack had been ruined by my own ditzy actions.

I did not lose heart or hope!  I still had an apple and celery, onto which I was going to smear TONS OF DELICIOUS PEANUT BUTTER!! And since the peanut butter was organic and natural, I had no guilt whatsoever over my plans of doing so.

And so the time came for my second snack of the day…my food salvation…my Tuesday’s DELIGHT!  I waltzed to the break-room with a triumphant twinkle in my eye, and gleefully opened the refrigerator.  (Side note to those of you who do not know, Organic peanut butter must be refrigerated.)  I reached in and snatched the jar that had “Leah” inscribed on the top!  MY VERY OWN JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER WAS READY TO BE CONSUMED FOR THE FIRST TIME!

That’s when I realized something…and my eyes changed from their gleaming smirks to a downcast haze.  When I had first purchased the peanut butter and brought it in to work, I did not open and stir it before placing it in the fridge.  So now, I was face to face with two layers in that jar.  The top layer was the peanut oil, still separated from the butter, and hardened by the cool temperature.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

(To be continued….maybe.)

Looney Dream

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Last night, I dreamt that I was going to get a new tattoo.  I was planning on having some sort of intricate design done on my side that included some sort of fantasy-inspired bird.  (I don’t even know what I mean by this, but my mind pictures some sort of badass dragon with feathery wings…Just assume it was TOTALLY cool and unique, and NOTHING LESS THAN ABSOLUTE MAGNIFICENCE!!!!!)

  I was nervous, but excited!  It was going to be done in two sessions, and the first session was a couple of hours long.  I lied there, patiently, as the tattoo artist went to work.  AT this point, I should have known this was a dream, because I didn’t feel any pain.  After the two hours (which of course passed by in a matter of seconds, and in a montage of dream-picture scenes), I walked to a mirror to admire the handiwork.

SHOCK…increased heartbeat….utter….feelings…of….failure/horror!!!

 What I beheld was NOT the original tattoo that I pictured.  Where was my amazing and gorgeous artistic rendering of a Phoenix-like creature??

Somehow, due to a series of miscommunications that I can NO LONGER remember, I had a Tweety-bird on my side! A TWEETY BIRD!! 

And a chipmunk (not just any chipmunk, but “Dale” from the Looney Tunes duo “Chip and Dale”) who was upside down, next to Tweety!!

WTF?????

 And apparently, the second session I had scheduled was to add Chip next to Dale!  How did this happen!??  I was dumbstruck in my dream, and didn’t know what to say.  What COULD I do, after all!  There were two giant Looney Tunes characters on my side AND belly!!  THE CHIPMUNK WAS AS BIG AS MY HEAD….IN THE MIDDLE OF MY STOMACH!!!!!

  I awoke soon after, and immediate checked myself over for any new, unwanted tattoos.  I think it’s safe to say that my dream was really a nightmare!  I have nothing against Looney Tunes, as long as they remain on the television or in children’s books. 

Fall

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During the winter months, and even throughout the spring, you will hear me wishing it was summertime!  I love the hot temperatures and swimming, and of course #becausebikini is my year-round motivation for working out, etc.  But there is a time towards the end of summer, for about a month, you’ll actually hear me yearning for autumn.  Even though my allergies are awful during that time of year (A big middle finger to you, Ragweed!!), I adore so many things that come along with the season.

I am here, at the point of longing for fall.  I want to see all the leaves changing colors, sit around a bonfire, and go on hayrides!  I want to carve pumpkins, make pumpkin pie, and watch football!  I can’t wait to decorate the front of our house with spooky Halloween spider-webs, and see all the fun costumes people have created.  I want to wear a jacket in the crisp (but NOT COLD) air while taking a walk, crunching leaves with each step.  I look forward to drinking hot apple cider on my back porch while watching all those brittle leaves swirl in the wind!

I hope that my daydreams have inspired you to long for autumn as much as I do, because perhaps then it will be here sooner!

 

A Win Against Evil #leahwouldramble

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I CONQUERED!!!  (kinda)

Last night, my husband was giving me the “puppy dog eyes” for SOME sort of dessert.  Of course, since I’m attempting a clean eating challenge at the moment, my grocery lists have not included the delicious delicacies of the excess-sugar goodness that is treats.  In other words, there are no easily accessible cookies or ice cream or anything for him to munch on, should the desire arise.  HOWEVER, I found a cookie mix in the pantry that I’d bought a couple months ago.  So, I decided to appease Shannon, because, of course, I love to keep him happy!

And so the battle began, as I mixed the ingredients in a bowl, and its heavenly scent wafted into my nostrils.  If I could survive, or at least find contentment, by eating air, I would have eaten ALL of the cookie dough fragrance!  The temptation of one of my favorite sorts of sweets was SO GREAT! 

But, I told myself as I pulled the mix out of the cabinet that I would NOT give in to it!  For a moment, I WAS weak.  As I spooned the dough into small heaps on the cookie sheet, an automatic reflex to bite the remaining dough from the spoon took over!!!  It’s like my arm, along with the spoon, had a mind of its own, and the utensil was the evil center of its brain! It lunged forward without warning, and went RIGHT into my mouth!!  The first swing of the sword had been swung!!  The evil side of the battle STARTED this fight! 

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, I screamed (inside my head).

As SOON as the dough hit my tongue, I knew I was in trouble!  But instead of admitting defeat, I ran to the sink and SPIT THE OFFENDER OUT! 

I realize that sugar starts to digest the moment it hits your saliva (This is definitely true—it’s science!), but I’m hoping a mere second in my mouth won’t have counted for too much!  I still count it a win! A victory!  A TRIUMPH OVER COOKIE DOUGH!!!!

And to continue my winning spree, I chose NOT to indulge in any of the baked cookies either, no matter how GOOD they smelled!  They are the ENEMY.

(Insert overly-dramatic music here.)

An Unlikely Pet #leahwouldramble

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8:35am

My attempt at being girly has been thwarted.  You see, at approximately 7:56am this morning, I applied glittery, plumping gloss to my lips.  I knew that I would, soon after, be consuming a Zero Ultra Monster energy beverage.  There was no way I was going to miss out on THAT deliciousness!  To detour my glittery gloss from ending up on my energy-filled can, I grabbed a straw from the kitchen to use. 

Keep in mind that the only straws that can be found in the office kitchen are of the coffee-stir variety.  I am not even completely sure they would be considered straws in a community of straws.  In fact, I assume that if straws had their own world, these would be considered pets, therefore not necessarily doing the job of a straw, but serving a smaller, albeit meaningful, purpose (stirring the beverage that a REAL straw might be used for).  At this point, you have my apologies for my small digress.

So then I am drinking my Monster with a stir/straw, and am so proud of my wily effort of being girly that I set my can down for a moment and email Heather to tell her of my victorious feelings!  Due to the height of the can, and the lack of major carbonation, the straw sinks into the mouth-hole without me immediately noticing.  I reach for the drink to take another lovely sip, and Alas!  There is no straw!! “What happened?  Did I inadvertently take it out and set its sticky little body on my desk??  Why would I do that???”  I have a total of 5-10 seconds of searching around before it dawns on me where the straw REALLY is.  So now, with each gulp, I hold the risk of being choked and/or stabbed in the throat by a wannabe straw aka straw-pet.

“Girly” turned to “Dangerous”, and I’m completely fine with it.

Weaponized

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I just realized that I could totally use my ruler as a weapon if I needed to!! It is a thin piece of metal w/ corkboard on the bottom of it for traction….but the sucker is SHARP on the edges (as in, I’ve cut myself with it by mistake before).
 
MY RULER IS A MACHETE IN DISGUISE!!!!
 
Better look out, office-plants!  I may need some practice with this!

Wonka Fat Rolls! #leahwouldramble

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This morning, I think I would equate how I feel physically to the girl named Violet in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, after she eats that gum that turns her into the giant blueberry, minus the blue hue, of course.  Also, I did not chew on a Roast Beef and Mashed Potatoes and blueberry pie-flavored gum, but rather, a large portion of Chinese food.  This was my indulgence last night, and it basically meant that I gave the food permission to impregnate me with a salt-baby.  Awaking at 4am and literally drinking 20 ounces of water in one sitting did not even sway the bloating powers of the sodium ocean inside me!  I am sure the fact that this morning was the first workout I have had in six days didn’t help with my feelings of fatness!

It’s a good thing that every day is a new today, and today, regardless of all my salt I need to slough away, I am feeling good!  I’m feeling better than I have in days, mentally and emotionally!  (It’s amazing what a workout can do for one’s well-being.)  So bring on the day, Tuesday!!  As long as you don’t try to offer me a Chinese-meal-flavored gum, I am IN THE CLEAR! :)

Blips #leahwouldramble 7-2-13

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Random Thoughts of This Tubular Tuesday

  • “Used out of necessity,      under protest” ß      This is my favorite phrase that I’ve ever seen stamped on a five-dollar      bill.
  • I tried looking up      synonyms through a Word document to see if any existed for “Tubular”.  There were “no suggestions”.
  • I was a steady tree in      yoga this morning…most days, I am a wobbly one!  It must have been less windy in my      brain.
  • I think that having my      boob itch (My shirt is currently causing this discomfort.) is the      equivalent of when a guy’s junk needs to be rearranged.  I’m not exactly comfortable just groping      and clawing at my breast to fix the problem out in the open.  So if you see me heading to the restroom      often, it’s actually NOT to pee, but to tug at my shirt, rub on my boob      and say, “UGH” in frustration, until I can change into a new,      non-itchy-seam shirt! 

*wriggles in chair* ßNope! Didn’t work. UGH!

  • Sometimes, I wonder about      little improbable scenarios…like, what if I went to sleep, and then didn’t      wake up until I was 60?? Who would be there?  What will I have missed?? What a scary      thought!!!!  Then I revert back to      others scenarios like, what if I acquired superpowers?   Now THAT would be pretty sweet! I think…
  • Ahhhhhhh….the vicious and      delicious bread smell is back again!! DANG IT, TINA!!! Why must you cook      delicious smelling lunches?? Just to torture me!! I KNOW IT!!!!!
  • It is magnificently hot      outside!!  So hot, in fact, that at      the end of the workout, my eyes stung with a mixture of sweat, melting      mascara, and sun-block.  TOTALLY      WORTH IT.  I have to say, though,      that I’m pretty sure it’s a torture tactic for the trainer to pick a spot      to work-out in the heat…NEXT TO A POOL.       I will JUMP into that thing fully clothed next time, Sucka!!!!!!!
  • If I choke down ONE more      carrot today, I might go flippin’ crazy!!!       And I mean INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE ‘cause CRAZY CARROTS!!      AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!  (Oh Shit…it’s      already started.)

 

To prepare your minds…

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In this time of crazy busy-ness of life…..for a while, my blog will (as it has often before) consist of the random little tid-bits that flow through my mind during my day. 

This is merely a warning to prepare you for the random non-sequitur flow of words that ARE GOING TO HAPPEN.

Still hope you enjoy.

I always do…………ALWAYS.